How do I tell my child that she/he has COVID-19?
These are two very scary scenarios that parents may be faced with as we move into the peak of the COVID-19 epidemic. Whilst it is much less likely for a child to become infected with COVID-19, than an adult, it can be helpful to be ready for either situation.
Tips for sharing difficult news:
- Find the right time. Make sure that you will have the time to comfort your child and answer questions after telling them the news. Don’t try to tell your child that Grandpa has COVID-19 just as they’re about to go to sleep, or when you or your child are upset or in a bad mood, or as you’re about to leave for work.
- Get down to your child’s level, for example sit down with them on a couch or bed, preferably somewhere it is easy for them to concentrate on you..
- Try to keep a calm, reassuring tone to your voice, Try not to cry when you tell them, as this may make them feel worse. But if you do cry, reassure them that you will be okay, you are just feeling sad and it’s okay to feel sad at times like these. Reassure your child that it’s not their fault that you are feeling that way, or that they have to make you feel better.
- Make physical contact such as holding their hand, or placing your hand on their shoulder, whatever feels natural to you.
- Tell the truth, using clear, simple language.
- Start by asking your child what they know about COVID-19. Let them share what they know before explaining what it is in simple terms, e.g. “COVID-19 is a virus that some people get, which makes them feel sick with coughs and a sore throat.”
- Don’t go into unnecessary detail about COVID-19 that might scare or confuse your child. For example, don’t tell your child that the infected person is on a ventilator, don’t share details about their symptoms or talk about how some people die etc.
- Reassure your child that the infected person is getting the medication and care s/he needs. Remind your child of a time when s/he was sick and how they got better.
- Ask your child what she thinks or feels about this information. Normalise any feelings your child has, and reassure your child that you are here to talk whenever they want to. If your child feels safe to talk to you about how they are feeling, they are less likely to seek negative ways of dealing with their feelings.
- Ask your child if s/he has any questions that they’d like to ask. If your child asks you a question that you don’t know the answer to, or a difficult question that you’re not sure how to answer at that moment, tell your child that you will find out and tell them once you know. Be sure to come back to your child with the answer once you know, or once you have figured out how to answer them.
- Seek your own source of trusted support and credible information to turn to when you feel uncertain of how to handle your child’s response to the news, or questions they may have.
Here’s an example of what you could say to your child if you had to tell them that a loved one has COVID-19.
“Do you remember/ know what COVID-19 is?” – Give them time to answer before explaining the following:
“COVID-19 is a virus which is making some people feel sick with coughs and sore throats. We try to protect ourselves and those around us from getting COVID-19 by washing our hands, wearing masks, staying home as much as we can and keeping our distance from people that we don’t live with. We also have special soldiers inside our body that help to protect us from viruses, and chase away any viruses that comes into our body. Aren’t our bodies clever! So, if a virus like COVID-19 does make someone sick, the soldiers in their body start to fight it and chase it away until that person feels better again. Medication, rest, healthy food and lots of water also help our soldiers to fight viruses so that we get better quicker.”
“Remember that time you were sick, but you felt better after resting and taking your medication?” – Adapt to your child’s experience of illness.
“Ma Mpumi has the COVID-19 virus, but don’t worry, she is being well looked after at hospital/ home, and she has everything she needs to feel comfortable. She also has her soldiers inside her body, which are working hard to chase the COVID-19 virus away, and she’s getting plenty of rest and the medication she needs. Unfortunately, we can’t visit Ma, because she doesn’t want to make us sick as well. But we can phone her and send ‘Get well soon’ messages.”
Give your child a bit of time to react, and remember that children of different ages will react in different ways. If your child doesn’t react, or seems confused by what you have said, ask your child:
“How do you feel/ what do you think about what I’ve just told you? Do you have any questions you’d like to ask?” – Again, allow time for your child to respond, but if they act like they’re fine or say they don’t have any questions then reassure them that you are there if and when they want to talk about it. Don’t force your child to react or talk about the news. They will do so in their own time, and if they know that you have left the door open to them to do so.
If your child does show a willingness to engage on the news, ask them if they would like to send the person a special voice note, video call, phone call, photos or text message. Another way that some younger children may want to process the information is by drawing a picture, or making a card for the loved one that they can give to them when they get better. If they don’t want to, don’t force them. Just let your child know that if they ever do, they can ask you and you can help them do it.
Here’s an example of what you could say to your child if you, their parent, had COVID-19.
It’s best for a child to hear about a parent’s COVID-19 infection, from the parent themselves. Try to have another parent or adult that your child trusts with you when you tell them. If you are concerned about infecting your child and the other person, you could all wear masks and keep 2m apart from them. If possible, talk outdoors, or in a well-ventilated room. It may be difficult not to be able to comfort your child with physical contact, but hopefully the other parent or adult can offer that support to your child.
If you are unable to tell your child yourself due to isolation, not feeling confident that you will say the right thing or if you are feeling very sick and you don’t want your child to see you that way, then the other parent or guardian should tell your child. It is not recommended that a stranger such as a nurse or doctor, or unfamiliar family member tell the child alone.
“Do you remember/ know what COVID-19 is?” – Give them time to answer before explaining the following:
“COVID-19 is a virus which is making some people feel sick with coughs and sore throats. We try to protect ourselves and those around us from getting COVID-19 by washing our hands, wearing masks, staying home as much as we can and keeping our distance from people that we don’t live with. We also have special soldiers inside our body that help to protect us from viruses, and fight any viruses that comes into our body. Aren’t our bodies clever! So, if a virus like COVID-19 does make someone sick, the soldiers in their body start to fight it and chase it away until that person feels better again. Medication, rest, healthy food and lots of water also help our soldiers to fight viruses so that we get better quicker.”
“Remember that time you were sick, but you felt better after resting and taking your medication?” – Adapt to your child’s experience of illness.
“I have the COVID-19 virus, but don’t worry, I have everything I need to feel comfortable. I can feel the soldiers inside my body are working hard to chase the COVID-19 virus away. I just need to make sure I get lots of rest and take my medication. What else do you think I should do to get better soon?” – Give your child a bit of time to react, and remember that children of different ages will react in different ways. If your child doesn’t react, or seems confused by what you have said, ask your child:
“How do you feel/ what do you think about what I’ve just told you? Do you have any questions you’d like to ask?” – Again, allow time for your child to respond, but if they act like they’re fine or say they don’t have any questions then reassure them that you are there if and when they want to talk about it. Don’t force your child to react or talk about the news. They will do so in their own time, and if they know that you have left the door open to them to do so.
“I don’t want to make you sick too, so we won’t be able to play together, hug, kiss or hold hands. This makes me feel sad, but I look forward to when I am better and we can do all those things and more, again!”
If your child does show a willingness to engage on the news, ask them if they would like to draw you a picture, or make a card for you to keep next to your bed. If they don’t want to, don’t force them. Just let your child know that if they ever do, you’d love to see it.
How do I tell my child that she/ he has COVID-19?
Here’s an example of what you could say to your child if you had to tell them that s/he has COVID-19.
“Do you remember/ know what COVID-19 is?” – Give them time to answer before explaining the following:
“COVID-19 is a virus which is making some people feel sick with coughs and sore throats. We try to protect ourselves and those around us from getting COVID-19 by washing our hands, wearing masks, staying home as much as we can and keeping our distance from people that we don’t live with. We also have special soldiers inside our body that help to protect us from viruses, and fight any virus that comes into our body. Aren’t our bodies clever! So, if a virus like COVID-19 does make someone sick, the soldiers in their body start to fight it and chase it away until that person feels better again. Medication, rest, healthy food and lots of water also help our soldiers to fight viruses so that we get better quicker.”
“Remember that time you were sick, but you felt better after resting and taking your medication?” – Adapt to your child’s experience of illness and focus on how she/ he got better, not so much on the illness.
“Remember when we saw the nurse and she tested you for the COVID-19 virus? Well, she said that you have the virus, but don’t worry, your body’s soldiers are working extra hard to chase the COVID-19 virus away! And, we are going to take care of you and make sure you have everything you need to feel comfortable. What kind of things do you think you’ll need to feel good and happy?” – Give your child a bit of time to react, and remember that children of different ages will react in different ways. If your child doesn’t react, or seems confused by what you have said, ask your child:
“It’s important that you get lots of rest, but you can still play if you feel like it. Playing your favourite games, reading or drawing will also make you feel better. I will be here with you and we can talk and play together.”
“How do you feel/ what do you think about what I’ve just told you? Do you have any questions you’d like to ask?” – Again, allow time for your child to respond, but if they act like they’re fine or say they don’t have any questions then reassure them that you are there if and when they want to talk about it. Don’t force your child to react or talk about the news. They will do so in their own time, and if they know that you have left the door open to them to do so.
“Is there anyone that you would like to tell about this?” – Respect your child’s wishes if they don’t want you to tell their teacher, friends or extended family.
If your child does show a willingness to engage on the news, talk about the things your child can do, and what she/ he would like others to do, that will help make them feel better. It could be a nice idea to get messages, videos, voice messages of well-wishes from close friends and family, but if they don’t want to, don’t force them. Just let your child know that if they ever do, they can ask you and you will help to make it happen.