English Mental Health

How to spot an abuser

Often, we’re looking for abuse in the victims. But abusers can be right in front of our noses. Here a few warning signs that someone might be violent and you may need to check in on their domestic partners and family:


  • Verbal abuse
  • Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly
  • Embarrassment or humiliation of partner in front of others
  • Harassment of partner at work

Control and Shame:

  • Use of threats (not just physical)
  • Complete control over joint finances and property
  • Spying e.g. monitoring partner’s email or social media accounts
  • Unrealistic expectations e.g. dinner on the table by a certain hour
  • Telling partner everyone thinks they are crazy or wrong


  • ​Blames partner and others for any and all problems they encounter
  • Using guilt to control partner e.g. saying “You made me do this”
  • Accusing victims of abusing them


  • Keeping partner from seeing family and friends
  • Convincing partners that certain friends or family are ‘bad news’ and should be avoided
  • Actively working to turn others against you
  • Interrupting plans you make with friends or family​


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